SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS
Most families today believe that a single child in the family tends to get lonely. The sibling relationship is long-lasting, sometimes continuing 70 or 80 years but sibling rivalry begun in childhood may last into adulthood, so are the loyalty and solidarity kinds of sibling relationship. Even though there is not much attention given to sibling relationships in old age, researchers have shown that having brothers and sisters can significantly benefit us in later life. Possibly because siblings share memories and a sense of family identity, people with siblings report higher life satisfaction and lower rates of depression in old age. In times of illness or crisis, siblings are shown to provide emotional and psychological support to each other. Why are sibling relationships this important? What can we do to enhance sibling relations, especially between children and into adulthood? We do know that the lessons learned within the sibling relationship can set a pattern for how we relate to others outside the family unit. It is both the family and community where we learn our values, religious and ethical beliefs, patterns of problem solving, behavioral responses, and attitudes.
Sibling relationships do change as children grow up, and the patterns of individual differences start to become more noticeable during mid-childhood and adolescence. As adolescents, siblings are focused more on their individuality than their equality, just as they were when they were younger. It's important to instill a supportive relationship among siblings as young as possible, and to encourage them to display their own individuality not only among siblings, but also peers.

Every sibling, brothers or sisters, will inescapably have differences in attitudes, values, beliefs, tastes, and opinions. Adults should demonstrate how they get along with each other and their friends. Children have to learn how to have relationships; they are not born with it. As a parent, help your children learn how to behave and respond in society, learn how to problem solve in social interactions, and have positive attitudes about relationships and friendships. There are three key elements that could either positively or negatively influence sibling relationships and these are extreme loyalty, rivalry and solidarity. Extreme loyalty involves putting a sibling first even above loyalty to spouse and children  and a willingness to make enormous sacrifices.

Examples include taking a brother into one's home indefinitely or acting as a parent to a sister. Various circumstances in the family lead to children clinging to each other which in itself is good, however excessive dependence on brothers or sisters could hinder development of individual identities or relationships with other people in adulthood.

Sibling rivalry begun in childhood may last into adulthood. Where sibling rivalry has been dominant, a person may become obsessed with comparing achievements or failures throughout life with the rivaled brother or sister. Parents have a great role to play in the matter of rivalry which is better prevented or nipped at the bud. Like love and jealousy for example. While most parents believe that a wider gap amongst siblings is good for their growth, a greater gap may not be that great an idea! It is a common belief that a gap of three to five years would be ideal to maintain. Research seems to prove that contrary to what we think, a greater gap amongst children only deepens the feeling of utmost rivalry that is almost diabolic amongst kids. The reason being that the greater the gap, the larger is the scope for questions to pour in.

It’s quite shocking to note that 25 - 30 percent of kids with higher age gap actually suffer from massive pangs of Sibling Rivalry. Most of the time, these kids have either spent time in hostels that keep them away from their families, or have received nothing short of a culture shock in parents' unplanned pregnancies.

For siblings with as much as an 8-10 year gap, the findings have been disastrous. The amount of jealousy supersedes the feeling of affection, as the great time lapse for the elder one, who has received all the attention for so long, has to be suddenly divided with another younger one.

We on our part can alter or remove this from our kids by being aware of the joys and perils of family planning. It’s one thing to make yourselves adjusted to a new member and quite another for an elder child to accept the fact that attention previously given to him will now be hugely divided from henceforth.

Sibling solidarity, a sense of cohesiveness and emotional closeness with brothers and or sisters, increases with age for many people. As older people observe the aging and deaths of their parents and siblings, their sense of belonging may be threatened. They strengthen ties with remaining family members to preserve their sense of belonging to the family system of their childhood, including their brothers and sisters. Persons who maintain the closest relationships with their siblings tend to be those who have never married. Solidarity may not develop if there were no significant interaction early in life with siblings. Lack of closeness because of significant age differences between children in a family or an unresolved conflict are examples of this. Sibling bonds that have been distant or negative for years will often further weaken or disintegrate entirely following the death of the last parent. Crisis does bring many siblings closer together. For some, a parent's illness or family crisis may be the first time one really learns to appreciate a brother or sister.

Teach Kids How to Solve Their Problems. Children need to know what they have control over and what they don't. For children to know how to solve a problem and know how to get along with each other, they must be taught. They need boundaries and limits regarding which reactions are appropriate and which ones are not. This will give them security. It is important to start encouraging your children to begin to communicate in order to start the problem-solving process. Do praise your children when they solve a problem. They need to know that the behavior and actions were appropriate.

What can we do to enhance sibling relations? Sibling relationships is proven to be so beneficial in later life, it is therefore important to nourish interactions with siblings in adulthood and among our children. As children grow up, parents should provide an enabling environment for their kids to naturally imbibe the spirit of family values and properly nurtured, they will not depart from it.
Essentially, as parents, you need to foster and respect the sibling relationships among your children. Provide siblings with opportunities to share time and activities, despite differences in age. Here, you can lead by example by joining in. Be sure no “favoritism” (the most common cause of bitter sibling rivalry that can last into later life) is openly practiced by parents or other extended family. Allow siblings to work through their own disagreements therefore building a relationship with each other that is separate from their parents. When older siblings begin to leave home, encourage them to maintain contact with their younger siblings and facilitate these interactions with family events. On a final note, important life events are occasions for siblings to interact. These events serve as opportunities for siblings to strengthen or even repair sibling ties. Giving special attention to these events and providing time to share with siblings is important.

References
The Ohio State University EXTENSION, The Ohio Department of Aging
Family Development and Resource Management, Texas Cooperative Extension, Family Consumer Sciences
Adoption Media (adoption.com)
Buzzle.com: Intelligent Life on the Web